Skidmarks Protect Money
After so many years out West, I learned to keep a stash of cash in my house. This seemed wise because of the prevalence of earthquakes. I didn’t want to be without money, for days, while ATM’s were down and banks were closed. After 9/11, I increased the amount of dough, for safe-keeping, within my home. I even bought a small, floor safe (and had it installed). But, then I discovered this product (in the picture). It’s an underwear safe; complete with faux skidmarks. What burglar is gonna rummage through poop-stained briefs? It’s fool-proof, and only $11. So, for those who insist upon buying me underwear and socks, for my upcoming birthday, I offer this compromise. 
If this warped humor is entertaining, then check this out.
Tags: According to Kim, anythingbutsad.wordpress.com, Birthday, Defying Despondency, Dirty Underwear, Safe, Steve Rebooted
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
May 8, 2008 at 6:27 pm
You know, actually, I know at least four queens in the Castro who would pay top dollar for skid mark’d male undies! Yeah, they are sick. But, they are my friends.
…welcome to san francisco!
Steve—->
May 9, 2008 at 12:32 am
completely unreleated - just saw a picture of you - FUCKING HOT/SEXY.
WOOF
Steve says, “Did you forget to take your Adderal?”
“By the way, I didn’t know you’d posted, recently. My bloglines must be a little wonky, right now. Look?! I’m being random too. Maybe I need Adderal!”
May 9, 2008 at 1:11 am
Why pay $11 if you already have underwear?
I’m just sayin!
Steve says, “The thought crossed my mind, but I don’t own any skid-marked underwear. Nor do any of them have a secret compartment for cash!”
May 9, 2008 at 1:16 am
haha I was going to suggest the same as Daniel.
Steve—>
May 9, 2008 at 7:44 am
Hey Ed! We got us another shipment of your skid mark undies that needs to get out! (a pair of undies comes flying out of the cage and sticks to the wall.) Too much poo Ed!
Talking random: I still have a piggy bank, from my childhood, with a fork stuck inside. I didn’t want to break it open so I fished out bills with the fork.
Ed! Stop it with the poo! Just skids!
Steve says, “I’ll never think of Ed the same way, again!”
May 9, 2008 at 10:43 am
I draw the line at scratch and sniff…
Steve says, “That makes two of us!”
May 9, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Thanks to Scott flushable wet wipes, I don’t leave skid marks uncle Z. It isn’t poo that makes them stick to the walls. I filled an old Alka-Seltzer bottle with quarters when I was child and buried them it in the backyard. I worried all night and in the morning tried to dig it back up but I never found them. There was a tunnel there I think it was a mole or a field mouse home. He must have pushed my quarters a long way because I dug up severa l feet of dirt looking for it. A fool and his money are soon parted.
Steve says, “Scott flushable wipes? Isn’t that like depends or something?”
May 9, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I’d prefer to hide the stash in the most obvious places, because they would never think of looking there. Just putting the money in the faux underwear is unsettling.
Steve says, “I usually keep loose cash underneath my keyboard. And yeah, the faux skidmarks is kinda gross. But I sure wouldn’t touch it, if I were burglarizing.”
May 9, 2008 at 9:18 pm
This totally goes against the Lucky Golden Poop of Japan
Steve—->
May 10, 2008 at 12:54 am
Steve, how likely are you to burgle? I suspect it is one of the last things on your list of stuff to do. As unlikely as you are to burgle, how can you say whether or not you would check out the underwear for a secret money compartment?
Steve says, “I’m pretty sure that I’d steer clear of dirty briefs!”
May 10, 2008 at 8:24 am
oh poo!- i’ve fortgotten what i came here to write….
Steve—->
May 12, 2008 at 1:18 am
I have some undies in the closet that look just look like these. So maybe if I get out the sewing thread and needle I can spin em up into a highly marketable personal safety product? Thanks Steve for the business idea of the week
Steve—->
May 13, 2008 at 10:03 am
I suppose the best way is to hide your mini safe in a pile of shit… LOL
Hi there! Sending my rgds.
Scope.
Steve says, “Bwahahhahahah…..I think that would work really well.”